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Friday, November 11, 2011

The Poem I Wrote at Loch Norse's Open Mic at the Bow Tie Cafe

As a bonus to anyone who reads this blog and shakes their fist at the fact I rarely showcase my work on it, I'm going to go ahead and show you the poem I wrote after arriving at the Bow Tie Cafe as I was waiting for my turn.  I was hoping to read it when my turn came, but the staff kindly requested I stick to my short story for the sake of time and so they could make sure everyone got a chance to read.  One of the student writers in attendance, Sara Cissell, can vouch for me...I swear, I wrote this in about ten to fifteen minutes after I arrived there.  It's sort of turned into a pseudo-tradition for me, to see if I can drum up something on the spot at these events.  I don't know why, but I always feel in the mood to write when I show up to these things and am waiting for my turn to come.  I blame NKU for making it my natural response to write frantically as a deadline is approaching... o-O  Without further ado, here's what I got:

Hearing your voice
makes me crack a smile I thought
I'd never use again.
Ten years and nearly three months after
receiving your four-page letter,
only to learn you were no longer in a
place to read my reply,
or to hear the sound of me crying,
or to wipe away my tears,
and somehow I'm smiling.
Hearing your voice fly through
my ears with the grace of an angel,
feeling it linger in echoes within my brain...
it's strangely supernatural.
Thankfully captured through
moments in time when you seemed to soar above everything...
EVERYONE else...
and it brings back the smile I saved
only for you.

That's what I came up with...not too shabby for it being straight from the mind without revision.  I was thinking of reworking it to read like this:  "Your voice threading through my ears like...(something)...feeling it tangle in the loom of my brain."  I hesitated to go with that approach because it ruined the "hearing" aspect of the line I already had down on the page, since all of that imagery would strictly appeal to the touch...strictly feeling.  That, and the (something) shows where I'm stuck to fill the line, and also the whole "brain as a loom/thread" image is one I've used quite a bit in different things I've written, so I was aiming at something different.  I can totally see where that would work, though.

Anyway, I hope you like it.  :)

1 comment:

  1. I was trying to wait until someone else commented but overall I like it. For editors' sakes, I'd drop the all-caps from "Everyone" and replace it with italics but I liked the general flow and the way you set up run-on lines.

    You might want to expand your blogroll to get more traffic and comments. Always going first makes me feel like I'm stalking.